More Love for the “Flaws”
Courtesy of Ashleigh
Today I was so excited for spin class. I couldn’t wait to get out of work and head over for a great workout. I was getting changed and put together when I noticed I forgot my shirt!
I know there’s so much self love going on in the blog world, and I do love myself but I hate my arms. More than anything. In fact, I always always cover them up. The only time I show my arms is in a bathing suit and even then I have bathing suit cover ups that cover my arms. Check out my about me and my progress pictures. Notice anything? I always have a sweater on! Actually looking at those made me realize how psycho I really am! I mean a sweater for every outfit? OMG!
My arms are anything but muscular, and really I just think they are fat. I actually weighed a lot more at one point in my life (that’s a whole other story!) and lost weight by being a strict cardio junkie so the fat on my arms just kind of stayed there and got saggy, and I hate it! Since I am trying to lose weight the healthy way, I do strength training at least once a week and focus on my arms as much as possible because I hate them. When I strength train I wear certain shirts that cover them more (think 3/4 length) so no one can see how “gross” they are. When I try sleeveless clothes on I think about what sweater I can wear with them. I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. I can’t even explain how uncomfortable the thought of showing my arms is. It makes me cringe!
So you can only imagine how nervous I got when I realized I didn’t have a shirt today. Luckily I wear a tank top everyday under my clothes, and I just so happened to have a workout tank top in my bag. But all I could think about was how much I hate my arms and how I didn’t want anyone to see them. I wanted to leave. But I had to face my fears. I have been working for this race day for over a month and I knew I shouldn’t leave over not having a shirt especially when I had something wearable. So I did it! I wore my tank top, and truthfully, I rocked it.
I looked in the mirror and I was like ok, “you don’t look that bad, plus it’s dark in spin and no one is going to be staring at you”. I had the best spin class ever too and I think it’s because I faced one of my fears. It made me realize how strong and confident I have become. I upped my weights in body pump yesterday, I ran 3 miles without stopping on Saturday, and I did amazing at spin today. I pushed myself so hard and I was literally dripping with sweat and it felt so.freaking.good.
I don’t think I’ll be wearing sleeveless dresses anytime soon, but hey… it’s a start.