I’m Not Perfect, But That’s Okay
Courtesy of Amanda
I may not be fast but I can finish a 5k. At 30 pounds overweight, I never thought I’d be able to actually run at all. I have a bodacious body that I love for taking me across the finish line. My last 5k was 4 weeks ago. I worked hard to get over the finish line at 37:23.
Why did I beat myself up over walking a 5k and finishing in 40 minutes? Clearly I’ve gained some speed. I feel like I have been comparing myself to others and it needs to stop now.
I’ve had people cutting me down for years. I never felt thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or good enough to be happy. I was always trying some new diet trick or makeup or self-help book to "improve" myself. I gained 50 pounds after high school. It came on quickly. My boyfriend at the time was fairly supportive at first but eventually called me "fat" all the time. Don’t worry that relationship didn’t last long after that!
Then I was diagnosed with PCOs (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). It explained my lack of a monthly period, my weight gain, and my hormonal issues. Being diagnosed sucked but I felt like I finally knew why I was still heavy despite my healthy habits. I definitely like to indulge too often but dude…it was never THAT bad. I felt like I could never eat in front of anyone because no matter what I ate, someone would make a comment. "Oh you’re having oatmeal with bananas? Bananas make you fat…" If you’ve ever struggled with weight, you know the kind of comments. People think they are being helpful but really…they aren’t.
(I’m on the left. This is the day after my high school graduation. 30 lbs lighter than today.)
Anyway, my point is I’m not perfect. I need to stop trying to be and just learn to love myself and my body for all of the things it can do. I’m trying out Body for Life because my doctor highly suggested a higher protein diet like this for my PCOS. I’m really hoping I can get to a healthy weight and start getting my body in a good place. But I’m not trying to lose weight to gain acceptance from others anymore. I have a wonderful family who loves me and supports me in all of my healthy living endeavors, a husband who would love no matter what, and awesome friends.
This post just needed to be written because I was feeling so low about my 5k on Sunday and I started thinking negative, horrible thoughts again. I don’t deserve that. I am a wonderful, loving person who can and will continue working on running and improving my health.