I’m Not Perfect, But That’s Okay

Courtesy of Amanda

 

I may not be fast but I can finish a 5k. At 30 pounds overweight, I never thought I’d be able to actually run at all. I have a bodacious body that I love for taking me across the finish line. My last 5k was 4 weeks ago. I worked hard to get over the finish line at 37:23.

amanda5k

Why did I beat myself up over walking a 5k and finishing in 40 minutes? Clearly I’ve gained some speed. I feel like I have been comparing myself to others and it needs to stop now.

amanda5k2

I’ve had people cutting me down for years. I never felt thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or good enough to be happy. I was always trying some new diet trick or makeup or self-help book to "improve" myself. I gained 50 pounds after high school. It came on quickly. My boyfriend at the time was fairly supportive at first but eventually called me "fat" all the time. Don’t worry that relationship didn’t last long after that!

Then I was diagnosed with PCOs (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). It explained my lack of a monthly period, my weight gain, and my hormonal issues. Being diagnosed sucked but I felt like I finally knew why I was still heavy despite my healthy habits. I definitely like to indulge too often but dude…it was never THAT bad. I felt like I could never eat in front of anyone because no matter what I ate, someone would make a comment. "Oh you’re having oatmeal with bananas? Bananas make you fat…" If you’ve ever struggled with weight, you know the kind of comments. People think they are being helpful but really…they aren’t.

GRAD

(I’m on the left. This is the day after my high school graduation. 30 lbs lighter than today.)

Anyway, my point is I’m not perfect. I need to stop trying to be and just learn to love myself and my body for all of the things it can do. I’m trying out Body for Life because my doctor highly suggested a higher protein diet like this for my PCOS. I’m really hoping I can get to a healthy weight and start getting my body in a good place. But I’m not trying to lose weight to gain acceptance from others anymore. I have a wonderful family who loves me and supports me in all of my healthy living endeavors, a husband who would love no matter what, and awesome friends. 

This post just needed to be written because I was feeling so low about my 5k on Sunday and I started thinking negative, horrible thoughts again. I don’t deserve that. I am a wonderful, loving person who can and will continue working on running and improving my health.

 

This post originally appeared on Two Boos Who Eat.

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Megan May 8, 2010 at 4:04 am

this is beautiful, thankyou for posting :)

Reply

Julie May 22, 2010 at 12:57 pm

You should be proud of yourself for running the 3.1 miles because some people struggle to run one! Especially if it was your first race, your time is great! As someone who ran their first half marathon last Nov., I know what it is like to compare yourself with others and times. But running any race or mileage is a HUGE accomplishment. You go girl!!!

Reply

bella. June 23, 2010 at 1:06 am

” … pretty enough or good enough to be happy.”

Please don’t ever say that again, because I think you’re absolutely gorgeous.

Reply

Aimee July 9, 2010 at 1:54 am

I completely agree with Bella. you ARE beautiful. :)

Reply

cameo August 9, 2010 at 11:23 pm

that was so amazing my friend introdused me to this site i am allways thinking i am to fat or to ugly or to short this is so imspiring an it is making me cry cause girls everywhere are doin thigs to thier body that girls should not do they hurl every night,starve them selves just to be skinny… hav seurgery, take pills just to be perfect…all for a stupid boy if that boy really and truly loves u he wouldnt judge u

Reply

NoraBrennan August 16, 2010 at 9:55 am

Be proud of yourself. I used to be athletic, until I came down with rheumatoid arthritis…and then gained more weight. (Was never what the doctor’s charts call “normal”, anyhow.) What a horrible feeling to lose command of your body! I couldn’t walk without a drastic limp before. Slowly, I started appreciating and honoring my body, and now I can manage a slight jog in place. You can RUN! I actually dream about running. Be proud. Your body is capable. Enjoy it, woman.

Reply

LORI August 16, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Hello I m sooo proud of u… i started running in june 2010 and now i m planning to run a 1/2 marathon in Oct 2010. Keep up ypur good work..

ps your r beautiful..

Reply

megan August 23, 2010 at 11:50 pm

I only weigh 125, and am 5’5 but I couldn’t run that far (yet). So that is an achievement in itself, truly. You can look fit and have a healthy weight so to speak but still not be in shape. I wish I could run that much, having played soccer for 15 years, getting tired after 30 minutes on a treadmill really sucks! But I’m working on it. So, good job! You’re amazing!

Reply

Kellsie January 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Your so pretty:) Your ex boyfriend should be hit in the face:)

Reply

Amber April 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Ok, forty minutes for a five k is super impressive, i can barly runa mile and im like 15. UR AWESOME!

Reply

SB April 25, 2011 at 9:01 pm

WELL DONE on doing the 5k-no matter what that is an achievement. I have been a lifelong couch potato myself and am running the 5k next month-and its a big challenge if you’re not used to it. Celebrate every success! And just remember that if your body works can run, talk, laugh, hug loved ones then its good enough! I myself need to stop exercising to ‘lose weight’ or gain a flat stomach but do it so that my body stays strong and healthy.

Oh and just to mention I’m running the 5k when two of my housemates are suuuuuuuper sporty-one plays netball for the country and the other runs for the country-but everyone does things at their own pace!

Reply

Anonymous May 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I really appreciate this post. I’m only 16 and could not even begin to describe how unhappy i have been with my weight, I’m afraid that no one wants to accept me because of the way i look. But then i found my boyfriend,he literally brings out the best in me, he makes me feel good about my self, you are so right when you say that support helps a lot because it so does. My boyfriend will love me no matter what, and that’s exactly what i needed in my life, someone who excepts me and loves me for me. I mean i’m not even that far over weight i guess, i’m 5’8 and i weigh 167pounds but i just feel like i need every where i go i’m being judged, and this website has taught me to no care :) by the way, you are very beautiful and inspiring :)

Reply

melissamyrtlee :) May 4, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I really appreciate this post. I’m only 16 and could not even begin to describe how unhappy i have been with my weight, I’m afraid that no one wants to accept me because of the way i look. But then i found my boyfriend,he literally brings out the best in me, he makes me feel good about my self, you are so right when you say that support helps a lot because it so does. My boyfriend will love me no matter what, and that’s exactly what i needed in my life, someone who excepts me and loves me for me. I mean i’m not even that far over weight i guess, i’m 5’8 and i weigh 167pounds but i just feel like i need every where i go i’m being judged, and this website has taught me to no care :) by the way, you are very beautiful and inspiring :)

Reply

colleen May 18, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Thank u! I’ve been very nervous about running a 3.1k on fathers day. I’m 30 lbs overweight n put myself down because of it. You reminded me that I am a great person n can do anything!

Reply

Stan August 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch.

Reply

Leave a Comment