Self-Discovery to Improve Self-Esteem

48 thoughts on “Self-Discovery to Improve Self-Esteem”

  1. I find that I think negatively about myself when I listen to inappropriate, harsh, demoralizing music such as hiphop/rap. It makes me imagine being “sexier” or partying, etc (like the music videos show). Hollywood makes it all look so glamorous. However, when I listen to more laid back, fun music (ex John Mayer, etc).. I don’t imagine those things or desire to be different than I am. I just think that media has such a strong impact on us girls who are so uncertain about who we are at this point. Choosing positive, uplifting music/other media helps me with my self confidence & accepting the real me.

      1. I’m 18 years old, turning 19, everyone on my dad’s side of the family are seriously obese. Since puberty I’ve been struggling with my weight, then there’s depression and a hormonal problem. I’m 217 pound, and I do know I’m not overweight I’m obese. Depression is a daily problem and I eat everything and a lot of it. Not a single diet works- even when I’m totally commited to it. So I’ve got a low esteem, but I know I’m fat- so I’m not lying to myself when I say I’m fat. It just feels like no one will ever accept me…

        1. i’m so sorry you are going through this. but someone WILL love and accept you the way you are. i wish you the best of luck on your journey to get mentally and physically healthy.

          1. Just remember honey boo boos mom has a boyfriend… And it doesn’t matter what you weigh love is not the number you see on the scale.

  2. I find myself feeling bad about myself, when the skinniest, of skinny people call themselves fat. at 17, im 170 pounds ( mostly in my thighs, etc) but the people who are 80 pounds and can get boyfriends really gets me down sometimes, it kind of hurts. being a teenager is hard enough, and i hate the fact that just because you’re not skinny, you cant find true love.

    1. That’s not necessarily true. I weigh 103 pounds, and I can’t get a boyfriend. My friends say that I’m pretty but I’m just too picky. Even if I have high standards though, it’s not like I have boys approaching me anyways. Any guy who wouldn’t like you because of your weight is shallow and not worth your time. Trust me, if you’re not looking, then love will find you. Whoever loves you won’t care about weight because he sees the REAL beauty inside you.

    2. You can find love. Im a size 14/16 and my current bf pursued me while I was this size and Im very happy with him, Im happy in general. My skinnier friends on the other hand have bad boyfriends or have serious image issues and are depressed. Being thin isnt the be all and end all of life. Being happy with yourself, whether you be large or slim, is the answer.

  3. I struggle with self esteem so bad that I just can’t find ways to boost it by myself. The whole telling yourself your strong and what not just does not work for me. I try but I feel like I am lying to myself regardless. I do agree that we are all our own worst critic but I just can’t seem to fight the urge to hate who I am. I varies from day to day. One day I’ll feel great, the next I just want to sit on the floor of my bathroom and cry for hours. I find myself crying myself to sleep a lot lately. I see other woman and wish I could have her hair, or be as skinny as her. But i am a firm believer in natural beauty. Being who you are and not letting media influences convert who you are for this fake, so called ‘perfect’ world. So I constantly find myself caught between wishing I could look as skinny as a model but then realizing she’s fake and probably throws up to look that way. I hate who I am and just was looking for something that might work for me….

    Does anyone have some advice besides telling myself in a mirror…’you are beautiful?” I really need so good advice.

    1. Hi Natasha!

      I really think you should check out the OB books. There are so many tips and tricks on how to be happier and healthier, too.

      1. Thank you! I bought a copy today and hopefully will be reading it in the next few weeks.
        On a side note, this site is absolutly amazing. I feel that this could really make a difference in a lot of girls lives and men! I am so happy you took the time to help people like me. You really are an inspiration! Thank you for speaking up for girls and boys like us!

    2. i really understand how you are feeling because i feel exactly the same. Every time i go on a diet i find myself trying to convince myself that i shouldn’t be doing this and then i eat something that my diet wouldn’t allow and end up crying because i am fat again. It is just a big cycle that i go through. i always envy other people and try to tell myself that i am fine the way i am but i also never beleive myself.

      1. I know what you mean! But honestly it will get better. I bought her book a few weeks ago and I got it today. I haven’t been able to put it down since. HOnestly that book will help you a bunch! Its just amazing!

        But regardless I think your beautiful just the way you are! Every little thing about you is unique! Everything! Down to the shape of your finger nail. I think you are amazing just the way you are! I know you don’t know me but I thought I’d remind you anyways! πŸ™‚

    3. Here’s something that most people look past. People think that they should accept being fat because that’s the way they are. In some cases, weight does come down in genetics and that person can never be stick skinny. There are different body types, and I understand that. What people misunderstand is that the modern world does cause a lot of obesity. Although naturally skinny people can get away with eating unhealthy foods, that’s clearly not the case with everyone. You can eat healthy and work out and still be natural and you. You’ll just be a healthier you, and I guarantee you’ll be more satisfied with yourself if you take good care yourself.

  4. I have struggled with eating disorders for years (like the stats, i went on my first diet at age 11) and have most recently tried to overcome bulimia (with varying degrees of success)

    While I have always looked to new, better diets and stricter exercise regimes to help me lose the weight that gives me relief, I have finally looked back over the last 12 years of my life and noticed the pattern that has been unchanging. The 9 lbs that I feel so desperately that I have to lose to be happy is NOT the problem. That little voice in my head that says “you aren’t good enough” is the problem. I need to encourage the other voices that say “You are beautiful, you are living your life, and your body doesn’t deserve to be beaten up like this.”

    I love this website. I love to come to a place where women don’t tell me how to fix the problems with my body–but tell me that I don’t have to..that I am perfect the way that I am. All women should do this for each other.

    1. Kirsten, im sure that you are beautiful but i know with eating disorder you do not fell that why my friend suffer from anerixa and she is really pretty but she does not think so. I help her by have her write all the stuff you love about yourself, and everday i tell her to say that she is beautiful you should do it to i hope it helps im really srry that u suffer from this nasty thing i hopes this helps good luck πŸ™‚

  5. I myself am skinny and i feel like I am too skinny I look at people who have meat on their bones and envy them. Just remember a lot of teens aren’t happy with their weight, and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I found that I felt best when I exercised and read the sunscreen books (the one I found a lot of help with was “Walking Tall”) Honestly you have nothing to loose by reading those books. After I read the book “walking Tall” I found that I really could except some of my flaws not meaning I love them, but I do except them. For an example I have really fair skin but I can to conclusion that it makes me unique. Love yourself for who you are.

  6. I have struggled with self esteem issues since I was a child, I was overweight and always thought I was ugly. I was teased by other kids, even my own brother. My mother told me I should wear more make up. It took me until I was 22 to understand why I felt bad about myself, why I treated others badly, and why I couldn’t trust others in relationships. Despite the fact that I knew all the negativity that I had experienced had caused my self hatred, I let it control me. I developed bulimia and let my obsession with food control my life. I was a walking disaster, never happy, never satisfied, never good enough. I overcame my bulimia but continued to obsess over everything in my life. I heard about operation beautiful months ago but decided to check it out a few days ago. At 24 I’m tired of hating myself and dwelling on everything that I think is wrong with me. I read the operation beautiful book and cried. I realized that I deserve to be happy, to feel loved, and to share positivity with others. I was inspired by what other women have been through and how they were able to overcome themselves and share love with the world. I know it will be challenging but my journey starts now. I bought a package of post its and cannot wait to spread the love!

  7. I don’t know how to explain this, but it feels as if the universe sent me to this sight today.

    I woke up feeling really down on myself. It seems as if nothing worked; my hair, my skin, my outfit, everything was wrong and bad. Not only did I walk out of the house feeling not pretty, but I also felt that I have to rely on artificial products to make me feel beautiful. I felt that if I straightened my hair and put more makeup on I’d look better. I felt awful. Then, after a long, tiring day, I sat down and went on my friend’s facebook profile. One of her friends tagged her in a picture of a post-it note that said “You’re beautiful-”. I logged on to see what it was. I have tears in my eyes. It feels to me as if it was all just to make my day better, and help me realize what truly matters. The notes, the videos, the message- everything is beautiful. I promise to pay it forward and make other girls’ days better as well. Thank you for being the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. <3

  8. I have those moments where I struggle with my self esteem and I can’t seem to find that side of me that is pretty or good enough. Between me and the group of friends I hang out with I’m the biggest out of the group and that is what I feel sets me apart from everyone else in the group. I feel that my weight can overpower both my personality and my looks. I feel my worst when my friends enter relationships and I’m the only when left hanging. Since prom is coming up (last year of middle school type of prom) my 3 closest friends have dates and I just saw two of them get asked out by guys with flowers a few days ago and I had another tell me herself and there are 4 couples on our limo and I’m the only single person on the limo. When they talk about it I feel like crying and getting all of those emotions out but instead I either bottle them or tell one or two of my other closests friends. I know that people say that you shouldn’t rush to find love or it takes time but whenever I see my friends with someone it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for guys and they just see me as that “fat chick that is undateable”. I have found some self confidence in myself through the past few months by looking at this website (i <3 this website) but there are still those moments where I just feel like I'm not good enough.

  9. I myself am a very skinny person. Yeah, I am only 13, but i’ve already been called anorexic, people make fun of me, some people put me in awkward situations, and shopping is terrible. Every trip is terrible because nothing ever fits right, and i go home and cry myself to sleep and dawn on my flaws. I think its effecting my personality and my outlook on life.. I just found this website & I’m hoping it can change my life <3

    1. Maddie,
      I know what you feel. People complain that they are fat, and sometimes, I envy them. I go to the store and want to desperately fit into these jeans but they don’t look right because my thighs are too skinny. And forget boobs. I’m 13 too and since I’m skinny, it takes longer to develop as I’ve heard. Idk, but i hate it when people call me skinny.

  10. I wieghed 170 in 7th grade …. I was made fun of like i was a freak show for being over wieght …. and i finally got down to 135 and thought i looked good and loved mybody but , those fears of people whispering behind my back and laughing at the ” fat girl” , the “quiet girl” , or the “freak” I thought that what they did to me was only temporary … but even 3 years later i still hear the whispers , the laughing , the amusment they get , only this time …. its in my own head …. I shouldn’t let it affect me anymore . the emotional damage is done … and i will defeat this …. i have hope

    1. Can you talk to a counselor at school about how to overcome your negative thinking? You don’t have to live like that – there is hope! You can change your thoughts.

  11. i agree that we ourselves can be the worst critics. but i also think that society builds up this “size zero” image, and the curvier girls who dont live up to societies expectation of beaitiful feel disgusting. i am a size 12, and i have honestley never felt pretty in my own skin. i love operation beautiful, and because of it i have stopped cutting, and am now working on helping my self get better.

  12. I’m sixteen and I went on my first diet at eleven. I wish I didn’t see myself as fat but I can’t help it, I’m a junior in high school and my best friend is 103 lbs. I feel so big because I can’t share clothes with her or be skinny like her. She says I look great the way I am but when you weigh more than your father its hard to believe it. My dad puts me on diets to lose weight because he says I’m heavy.. idk, I sometimes wish parents would be the help instead of part of the problem.

    1. Parents don’t know everything, unfortunately! It’s okay to embrace your natural shape. Don’t diet – just try to be healthy by eating fruits and veggies and moving your body. Healthy is beautiful!

  13. I have very low self-esteme, followed by anxiety depression. I use to cut and burn my wrists….which i dont do anymore. I am 15 and ‘4’”11″ and 135 pounds. Obviously over weight for my size. I wish everyday that it was different. And i ruined me and my friends first homecoming dance. I was so scared that people would judge me and not except me for who i was that i let my anxiety get the best of me. And i started crying, i would barley breathe. And my friends wouldnt leave my side. and i wouldnt dance. So it wasnt fun for any of us. And i try telling myself everyday that its going to get better, and that its going to take patience. But nothing gets better, its taking too long. And i just want a boyfriend. I dont want to be shy anymore. I want good skin. I want a skinny body. I want smaller breastes. And i try to diet and work out, and eat healthy. But nothing has ever worked out for me in the end. Not with anything….and i really do try to believe. I do, but i cant find the strength, nor will power. Help?

    1. Hi Miranda:

      I am sorry you are hurting so much. Maybe you should REALLY reach out to a guidance counselor at school to talk about everything – they will keep everything confidential. You really really need the help of an adult who can give you some advice. YOU DESERVE IT.

  14. Thanks Caitlin! I appretiate it. And I did go to a councelor in 7th grade. So I guess it wouldnt hurt to give it another try. I REALLY want to change. Want things to be normal. And i have to say. I was once really skinny before i devoloped eating habits to feel in all the empty spots. And i do recall being happy at some point in time. And having nice clear skin. But that was before everything i cared about walked out on me. BUT i promise i will change these things. I have to change for the good of myself and the good of the people around me. And Caitlin thanks again so much! Ill defintly try the councealor. And im going to look around this site more, see if i can find anything helpful(: I really do love this site

  15. I like this a lot!! I think it’s good that it shows legit, concrete ways to feel better about yourself. It can be hard sometimes, but I’m so glad that there are people out there who simply want to help πŸ™‚

  16. Im 16 and a junior in high school. I have some self esteem issues mostly about the way I look. I overall like who I am but I just don’t understand why I can’t get a boyfriend. I have a lot of guy and girlfriends, I’m skinny, nice. But it just really hurts me that my two best friends alway have somone in their lives and I’m always just by myself. Even my younger sister has has boyfriends and I haven’t. I try to be outgoing and meet new people but there is just never any guys to like. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when a guy has never relly liked you or even compliment you.

  17. Don’t worry about thatp my dad tries to put me on diets too I don’t think its right parents should help any issues not put you on diets

  18. Haha, my name on here is a result of my self esteem. A girl back at my middle school once commented (she thought I couldn’t hear her), “Look at that girl, she’s all slimy and weird. She’s like a little squid.” People started calling me Squid to make fun of me, but I actually like the name. I take it as a compliment, and what was intended to make me miserable now makes me very happy!

  19. I agree but it is not that easy though.. πŸ™ but I can try to think positive way and it will be changed !

  20. Whether you are on the road to self love or are already there, I agree with all the tips in the original article and suggest keeping a journal or diary to write down 2 things you love about yourself every day. You cannot repeat any and they can be as specific or as general as you want. They can really be about anything but everything about you!
    30 things I love about myself:
    1. My super curly honey blonde hair
    2. My big smile, both in my mouth and my eyes
    3. My moles
    4. My button nose
    5. My gift of extremely clear skin πŸ™‚
    6. My broad shoulders
    7. My short 5′ 2″ height/frame
    8. My eyes
    9. My (half blonde)eyelashes
    10. My feet
    11. My toes
    12. My arches
    13. My incredible flexibility (I’m a dancer and proud of it :))
    14. My perseverance
    15. My diligence
    16. My ability to grasp concepts very easily
    17. My love for espaΓ±ol
    18. My friendliness
    19. My generosity
    20. My kindness
    21. My maturity (for my age: practically 16)
    22. My long beautiful hands
    23. My big boobs
    24. My muscles
    25. The few freckles I have: on my nose πŸ™‚
    26. My adorableness
    27. My porcelain doll face
    28. My courage/bravery
    29. My love for learning/school (belrive it or not)
    30. My love for reading
    31. And BONUS my love, tolerance, and acceptanceof everyone no matter what and my love for myself, love for pure natural me (no makeup), just me πŸ™‚

  21. I myself am skinny…and to this day struggle with self esteem issues to the point that it affect my relationships with everyone…it seems like everyone knows already…i also tried the methods of n.ot being, so neg.ative, but i can’t help myself….i am way too negative. I am afraid of gettimg hurt like. Any advice for someoone who wants a change.

  22. I have been dealing with self-esteem issues all my life. I was a chubby kid when I was little but then hitting puberty I lost a bunch of weight and became skinny. Though I was skinny my past of being told that I’m fat and that if I don’t watch what I eat i’ll get fat has haunted me. Here I am 18 years old starting college and being a dancer I have always had a great way to keep my weight the same. Now I have gained a little weight that I probably only can notice, but the thing is I do notice it and I beat myself up for it every day.
    I am always the one saying I’ll eat what ever I want because it just doesn’t matter. I just love food and I have self control issues when it comes to eating sometimes.
    It just kills me because I swear to myself that I will work out every day and ill eat right. Yet, I still look at myself and see the chubby little girl that hated the fact that she was fat.
    I love who I am, I just have a really difficult time being completely comfortable in my skin.

  23. Im Patience and im 16 and I junior in high school. Ive been bullied really bad before, and I have no self confidence, it really brings me down. Im over weight, so I feel really uncomfortable dressing up. I look at other girls all the time and get so jealous. I want to think im pretty and everything I just don’t see it. I really need some help.! please help! Im desperate,

  24. Some one listed 30 things they like about themselves, but there is nothing I like or can discern bc I can’t see anything good about myself. I always feel restless like theres something I need to tlk about but I can’t ever figure out what

  25. Funny how people with weight problems think they have issues. I’m 21 and i don’t hear enough of how skinny i am. Its hard to deal with and it does make me think low of myself sometimes. Being skinny isn’t always the best thing. You just have to change what you can and accept/love what you can’t.

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