A Tale of Middle School Bullying
Courtesy of Anne
It’s never too late to say you’re sorry.
…
On Wednesday night, I had dinner with an old friend from middle school. We hadn’t seen or talked to each other since I moved away after 7th grade – over 15 years! Through a random friend in common showing her my blog, she saw I was back in the area and emailed a couple weeks ago asking if I’d like to meet up for dinner. It was fun seeing her – one of those “So… what the hell have you been up to for the past 15 years?” sort of dinners. We had a blast reminiscing about old memories, gossiping about what our other friends were up to now, and catching up on each other’s current lives.
And then, just as we were finishing dinner and drinks, she turned to me. “There’s actually another reason I wanted to meet up with you tonight,” she said. I waited, confused. “Do you remember…” she paused, looking uncomfortable. “That note in your locker?”
Did I remember? How could I forget.
…
My family moved around a lot when I was growing up. In 2nd and 3rd grade, I lived here in the D.C. area. I made an amazing group of friends, including the girl I met for dinner on Wednesday. I was devastated when my parents told me we were moving again at the end of the year, and I would have to leave all my best friends behind.
Flash forward to 7th grade – we moved back to D.C. and I could not have been more thrilled. My friends threw a surprise welcome back/birthday party for me, and I felt like I was finally home again.
But things had changed, as they often do at that age for groups of girls. There were a couple new girls in the group that I didn’t know. You wouldn’t know it meeting me now, but back then I was actually really shy. A few months into the school year, the new girls decided that for whatever reason they didn’t like me. And if they didn’t like me, that meant no one else could, not even all my former best friends. I’m sure some of you can relate to what happened then. I remember everyone avoiding me. I remember sitting down at lunch tables only to have everyone get up and leave.
And then there was the note.
One day during school, I opened my locker to find a note lying on the floor. Passing notes was very popular back then (I assume replaced by text messages nowadays), so I was excited, assuming it was some gossipy tidbit from a friend. I opened it. And I was paralyzed by what I read. The note was hastily scribbled and said something along the lines of:
Die. Nobody likes you.
I know this might seem silly now, but to a 7th grade girl, getting a note like this was the end of the world. I vividly remember just standing there, staring at the note, reading it over and over again. My heart started beating faster and I felt the blood rushing to my face. I had no idea what to do. Was anyone watching? Were they waiting for my reaction? Should I just close the locker and leave? The note wasn’t signed. I had no idea who had written it, but I figured the new girls were behind it. I don’t remember if it was the end of the day, and I was able to go to home and cry in peace. I don’t remember if it was just before first period, and I had to sit in class all day with my head down, wondering who else knew about this ultimate shame. But I do remember how I felt. And I felt horrible. And betrayed. And sure that nothing would ever be good again.
…
And then, on Wednesday night, my friend told me that she was the one who wrote that note so many years ago. She had asked me to dinner because she wanted to say she was sorry.
She said she has thought about that note often over the years and cringed at the fact that she had done something so horrible. She said she regrets writing it, and that she didn’t even really know why she did it. It wasn’t that she didn’t like me. She did. We were friends. It was probably just that she was trying to look cool.
This post is not meant to make my friend (and yes, I still call her a friend) feel bad. On the contrary – I’m impressed that she had the courage to apologize, so many years later, for something that I didn’t even know she was behind. It’s clearly water under the bridge now, and as I told her last night, I know that peer pressure and wanting to be cool makes girls do and say stupid, mean things. I don’t blame her for wanting to fit in. I know now that she didn’t really mean what she wrote.
But I didn’t know that then.
It’s sad how common it is for girls to put other girls down to make themselves feel better or look cool. I’m certainly not immune to the pressure – I’m sure I’ve snubbed others (thought not nearly this harshly, I’d hope) in the past, too, in an effort to impress others. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay.
I’m hoping that by writing this post and sharing my story, it will encourage others,especially those that might still be going through those hard middle school and junior high years, to really THINK about how your actions will affect others. Looking cool is not worth making others feel badly. Obviously I’m very happy now, and made a great new group of friends in high school, but it doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget about that note or how it made me feel.
And to those of you that are the current victims of bullying – know that you are NOT alone. It will get better. I promise.
…
I decided that the perfect way to end all of this was with another note, left on the bathroom mirror at school yesterday and inspired by my friend Caitlin’s wonderful Operation Beautiful movement. In fact, I wrote two notes. But this time – they were happy.
Please feel free to share your own stories in the comments. Have you ever been the victim of or the instigator of any bullying? I’d love to hear your stories, too. It’s never too late to come clean, after all.
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{ 64 comments… read them below or add one }
I had a very similar thing happen to me. I didn’t receive a note in my locker, but there was stuff written about me in the bathroom. Still don’t know who wrote it, although I have my suspicions. I think it made me stronger, but it still hurt. A lot.
I was the victim of many bullying scenarios over the years, most of which stopped in high school. I was overweight and my self esteem levels took a dive in middle school. Of all the places, I think that junior high is the worst place for girls in general, because everything’s so awkward and kids will make fun of and say anything sometimes…I just wanted you to know that this post made me tear up a little bit (mostly at the end when you put up a new note!) Thanks for touching my heart today!
ps: glad you made up with your friend. She must be a wonderful person to admit to something that could have been forgotten…
Something very similar happened to me. My best friend wrote a vulgar and mean message in my yearbook. It still hurts to think about it, but I have learned to forgive and move on with my life. Even though the moving on part took a lot longer than I wanted it to. Anyway, Operation Beautiful has only finalized my decision to move on and spread love and joy to all the fun femmes around me. I might even have some love to give to that ex best friend of mine.
I hope this does not come across as taking joy from your pain, but I just wanted to say that I am SO GLAD you wrote this. First, it makes me feel less alone that I was one who was bullied pretty constantly for awhile, and it also makes me feel really grateful that the bullying I experienced never at least outright told me to die. It is really amazing that the girl was able to admit to it and apologize so many years later.
My best friend (ever since I was 2yrs old) decided to bail out on me after I got a lead in our Middle school play. She posted on my facebook wall that I didn’t deserve the role and that I was stupid. I was hurt so bad. My eyes couldn’t even fill up with tears, only pain. How could someone I was so close to just bail out on me? She used to come to my house everyday, and we would laugh, joke around, and have a ball. Now she hasn’t come to my house for 6 months. The last time I saw her in my home was when she needed a cup of sugar. (We live two houses away from each other). It took me a long time to realize that I don’t need people who can just toss me like last summer’s favorite boots out of their lives. She just facebooked me saying she was sorry. It took me awhile to say I accepted her apology. Hopefully we can get to a better place, may that be being able to say hello to each other in the halls, or friends. But I know we will never be as close as we were before ever again.
I just came across this today and as a mother who struggled with this sort of thing throughout jr. high, I’m determined to have things different for my daughters, one of whom is in middle school right now.
My plan is to show her this and see if she doesn’t want to embark on a mission at her middle school! It is so important for that age group – any age group really, but definitely that one, to hear as many positives about themselves as possible!
For every one negative a child needs to hear at the very least 15 positives for that one negative to not sting so bad.
Thanks,
Garsy
Oh my, you are such a good person… To be able to forgive somebody for such a horrible thing!
I’m glad you posted this blog. It feels great to know there’s wonderful people out there.
I, myself, have never been the victim of heavy bullying, but I know that it must hurt. Badly.
My thoughts go out to you. <3
Read this while ironically listening to 3 Doors Down’s Let Me Be Myself. I was bullied in my 7/8 grade year (I skipped a year after a whole week of 7th grade). The skipping a grade made me a target for bullying, as did being one of the few white girls in a predominantly black school. I was hit for sitting in the wrong seat in science class. I remember it so clearly, like it was yesterday, and it’s been 20 years. Damn, I hadn’t realized it had been that long. But that shows something. 20 years later, I still remember the cruel, hurtful things the other girls I went to school with said and did. I had girls in my English class tell me they wanted me to “go back where I came from” and they were beyond happy when they found out I was moving away at the end of the year.
I have a son who is 7th grade right now, and he is wonderfully, blissfully ignorant of what others think of him for the most part. He feels that being cool is overrated and pointless. I pray that he keeps that attitude throughout the rest of his years in school. He is amazing at letting the teasing and rude comments roll off his back. I worry about his 4th grade sister. I’m terrified of what’s going to happen when she hits middle school. I’m trying now to make sure that she has a good sense of herself, and has the confidence and self esteem to survive the living hell that is middle school.
I was bullied 2 days ago me and my bestfriend (both white) were were getting beat up by 13 girls (all black 12 were 7th graders 1 was our age in 6th)
Wow. I vividly remember being bullied in middle and high school, which was over 20 years ago. Those painful memories of being taunted and tormented for fun by others have stayed with me for all of these years. I wonder if they even remember making my life so miserable? I think this has been why I am so sensitive towards the feelings of others. Words and actions can be worse than bullets.
Something kinda of like that happened to me, but it wasnt something bad. I was wished Merry Christmas and was given an Old Navy gift card. It wasnt by the school, and I still dont know who gave it to me, but whoever did sure did make the new girl (me) smile.
Same thing used to happen to my younger brother in junior high. We would talk about it. I felt sorry for him, but didn’t understand. My friends and I were popular. Why wasn’t he? He was cute, athletic, smart, yet he would clear a room just by walking into it. I saw it firsthand. He never showed any emotion about it, but the few times we talked about it, I could see he was hurting. I just didn’t understand and inside I blamed him, although I never told him that. 20 years later, he’s still smart and cute, and openly gay. He never came across as effeminate, but I wonder if the students shunned him because they “sensed” something different about him. He always had strong moral character–often, those are the types of students who get picked on because they feel less a need to “fit in.” Anyway, my brother and I were talking about old times, and we mentioned his being ostracized in high school. He told me he found out years later that a rumor had been going on about him since the 7th grade that he was a “male prostitute.” My prudish bookworm brother! When I thought about it, I think I’d rather be bullied physically than be the brunt of vicious rumors. I’m amazed how well my brother has handled such a childhood. He makes me proud. Takes a lot of moral strength to be able to be a happy, descent person when you experience such adversity in one’s formative years. Mature beyond his years. I think that’s why he was so vilified.
I was bullied in school for being smart and good-looking. Vicious rumours would circulate by people I’d never even met. I was accused of pushing my chest out to get attention and I lost friends when their boyfriends started liking me. I never knew all of this at the time because the bullying was so bad I believed I was ugly and worthless. It took years to develop a strong sense of myself and not worry about others’ opinions but I did it, with God’s help. In the process I realised some things that have made me stronger: Nobody hates you when you’re pathetic, ugly, stupid or worthless. Instead, people hate you when you’re pretty, smart, different and potentially powerful. The best thing you can do is take the power of people like that away by showing you are greater than them and not sinking to their level. Better to risk harm than reputation. The first can be remedied more easily than the second.
My “best friends” often talk to me like i’m just a piece of crap:/
Sometimes I feel like I’m just not good enough to be anyones friend!
One of my friends has written me notes when she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. Like : “I have to leave planet (my name)!” “I’m sick of you being mean to me!” It’s like my friends dont even notice if they are hurting my feelings either, I mean at least I can admit it! My other close one tells me that people always tell her I lie alot! I dont! She always says that she promised them that she wouldnt tell me who, probably becuz they are to scared:) I have my suspicions about my friends talking about me behind my back. I mean I’m smart enough to tell when they are acting weird or hiding something. My heart goes out to you Caitlin!
Sometimes I want to tell my friends that we need to end instead of them telling me. I dont get mad easily but I cry myself to sleep sometimes, and they complain about them crying about how they treated me.
Sorry if it seems like I’m just being dramatic… I mean I’m used to it, like being called annoying, bossy, dramatic, and I always get told I have to much attitude and stuff like that:P
Well thanks for reading:)
This website is a dream.
Check out Mean Stinks on Facebook, Shellie – maybe you and your friends can do it?
Okay thank you!
I’m a freshman in high school. I am currently dealing with friends bullying me for a reason I am still unsure of. People like that are only jealous, or they are living miserable lives and feel like they need to make someone else’s life miserable as well. What’s best is to just shake it off and not let those girls get to you. It is going to seem bad, and like it is is getting worse. I still cannot see the “light at the end of the tunnel.” However, I know it will get better. Thank you for this post. It was very inspiring.
Ugh. I am so sorry!!! Remember you can choose your friends!
I wish the people who bullied me were girls and they would realize that what they did was wrong. But the people who bully me are boys. Stupid STUPID middle school boys. We call the the lax bros … for the fact that they are the rulers of the boy kingdom because they play laccross. It’s a stupid thing to think, that just one sport can put you higher up on the social pyramid. They would tell me every single day that I was worthless piece of crap and tell me to just die … They also noted that they would be happier if I died. Yes, death and suicide were in my thoughts a lot. They were just so mean! I had no control over them because I was a krill and they were the big mean sharks. I had no power. I was the one who LOVED school and learning and the social atmosphere. But once 7th grade hit, I hated waking up in the morning. On weekends I would hide myself in my room with the lights off and just cry. The teachers had no idea this was happening, but I’m sure that if they did, they wouldn’t care. I was miserable. Now its summer… and I thought “Yay! No more bullies!” … I was sadly mistaken. Facebook is a place where people who are scared to go up in person to do something… so they write it on their wall. My wall, on the last day of school… well I had to delete it all so I wouldn’t draw attention. I got home and I was a little late because I helped my HR teacher clean up her room; it wasn’t that long, maybe 15 minutes. I got home and I had over 100 notifications that were all from this kid. Writing on my wall, commenting on my pictures saying I’m ugly. I deleted it. I deleted all of it. My friends never knew. My parents and family members never knew. It was fine. But they had said it. I could delete it into cyberspace but that wouldn’t take away from the things they said. I hated my life and myself and everything about it. A product from this bullying was cutting and that is now my addiction. Minor eating disorders came from them calling me fat. And that’s something that I still live with. My parents don’t even know. Bullying has taught me that people will never be who they say they are… they’re just mean and stupid. That’s it. You have to find real friends who have been put in similar situations as you… and keep them for good. Once I find one of those friends… then I guess I’ll be happy. Bullying hurts. If you’re a bully, then stop. Just please stop. It’s killing the soul in the person’s heart that you’re saying too.
But let me tell you… as terribly that I felt, I never missed the chance to put sticky notes up in the bathroom mirrors and stalls every day. I had to put them up to cover the things they said about me in the stalls… But if I could make someone’s day better… then I did my job.
YOU ARE WONDERFUL. You are worth it and these silly bullies are NOT.
Actually just last year I was bullied. I was in 7th grade, now I’m in 8th. I was sitting with my friend Bianca and we were talking and she gave me a pack of gum. Her “friend” Tiffany came up to her and asked her for a piece. She said ask Taylor. So Tiffany asked me and I laughed and said no. It was obvoious that we werent friends. Then she told me I had no friends. I just laughed and said that I have many friends. Then she told me to name them. I did. Biggest mistake. Every person I named she said that they werent friends with me. I do have friends. I am nice. I am pretty. She had no reason to bully me. I bothered me somewhat. SO i just thought that she only did that to boost her self confidence. So that made me feel better.
I was actually a bully a while back, but the story starts in 5th grade. I was part of a friendship with 4 other girls, and we had so much fun together.We said we were BFFEs, best friends forever and ever. Then in sixth grade, I met some other girls who were in my class, and they were, to be honest, more popular, prettier, taller, more athletic, gossiped more, and were downright mean to other people. But not me, because I had become their “friend”. The worst thing was that I abandoned my other friends, and even pretended that I barely knew them. That was the worst, and when I did it I didnt even know why. My two new ‘friends’ didnt like them, so I did it without even thinking. Then at the end of last year (I was finishing 8th grade) one of the girls in my group signed my yearbook. Our relationship isnt what it was, and we both seem to act like it never existed. Both of us have new friends now. But what she wrote was “Have a good summer! -(name) BFFE?” That hurt. I never thought about anybody but myself through all of that, and I cant believe that I never thought that I had hurt them. I was stupid, and now I know that I was probably the most evil girl ever to them. I wish I could say sorry to them, but I dont know how. I know they remember it, but i am scared to bring it up. Can you guys help me?
If you regret your behavior, I think you should write them a note or email and say that you’re sorry – it shows a lot of STRENGTH and BEAUTY that you could do that! It’s so powerful to ask for forgiveness. It will mean a lot to them – and to you, too.
Thank you for posting this. I am in my 30′s, but was bullied during junior high and high school. I was overweight, and was the target of many different people. Each day brought something new, and there were many days when I couldn’t force myself to go to school. I missed a LOT of school because of it. I knew then that the people doing the bullying had their own issues, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. The memories have stuck with me all these days, and I would love for someone from back then to say sorry.
I became a target for bulling in elementary school. I had ADHD and couldn’t control my anger. I hated going to school. Middle school was the worst three years of my life. The bulling was worse and I was even sexually harassed. I would pretend to be sick as many times as I could. My bullies were all guys, plus four girls. I was called so many names. Just remembering those times hurts. I entered high school and it stop. They stopped calling me names and they think that means I’ll forgive them. I will never forget what they did…
My 10th grade year I had two extremely close friends. They were sisters to me. (Being an only child they were the closest thing I had to siblings) We made another friend that was a year younger then us. This girl was loud and annoyed me a lot. At the beginning of the summer I had a fight with the new girl. I had had enough of her. My friendship with my closest friends became rocky. They still wanted to be friends with her, but I wanted nothing to do with her. My best friend since fourth grade came over and spent the night at my house. I told her that I still wanted to be her friend I just didn’t want to be friends will the new girl anymore. The day after she went home I got an offline im from her. She didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I was so confused and hurt. I texted her begging for an answer. She said her friend with me was the reason her life was messed up and she was better off without me as a friend. I was so confused and hurt. Not long after My other close friend sent me a im yelling at me for being anti-social and she didn’t need someone like me near her younger siblings. She said she was going to block me. I was hurt and mad. I had tried so many times to talk to her and she hadn’t given any effort. I deleted her fro my contacts. Some how she found out and sent me another message, saying that I was running away and I had to apologies to her and my friend since fourth grade. I closed the window and logged out and never went back to that e-mail address. I was the one that was hurting. I didn’t understand why I should apologize. I was scared to return to school that fall. I was okay. Until I saw my best friend since fourth grade with my other close friend. I was hurting, so much. When I got home I cried. I did make some new friends, but I still missed my ‘sister’. After over hearing my other close friend talking bad about my best friend since fourth grade multiple times I had had enough. I didn’t want to be her friend ever again. A little over half way through the school year I tried to contact my best friend. I got on my old e-mail and sent her a message say that I wanted my sister back. I had a class with her, but I was still afraid to talk to her. Finally in third trimester we were back to began the best of friends. A part of me was missing when we weren’t friends, but now it’s back and I never wanted to loss touch with her ever again. She was no longer friends with ether of the others. My ex-best friend knows I hate her guts and won’t sit near to me. She because the kind of person that I hate and want nothing to do with. I a now a senior in high school and still have my best friend since fourth grade, plus a friend I made last year that is so much like me it’s scary. Through all my bulling I had my best friend. I almost spent a year without her as a friend. That was the most painful time of my life.
Three girls recreated the Mean Girls, one my best friend. The prank called me and my two friends every night at least three times, gossiped, turned the whole class against us, caused my friend to cut, texted me horrible things, attacked us on facebook, and made me cry everynight. This went on for four months. We came through it, and they were going to get expelled, but we told the principal to let them graduate. They never apologized, but we forgave them. This was last year. My two friends are healing from depression, and I have moved on and have never been happier in highschool.
Something in a away similar is happening to me…Girls call me a slut and say i am worthless. My friends used to admire me for my great advice when someone would say something mean about them, but a few months ago I lost any chance of me listening to myself. They broke down my wall that surrounded me and I believed them. They would call me fat and so I would starve myself. Not only until recently did my mom find out and she wanted to help. In fact, not to long ago, I found not only a note in my locker saying how ugly and pathetic I was, but a picture to go along with it. They had taken a picture of me that we had for an art project and drew devil horns and made me look fat and ugly. To top it of, they drew a big “LOSER” at the top. I am going through a very hard part of my life, and when I got home, I cried. I cursed myself for being who I was and I felt the need to punish myself. I was so blind with hate towards myself that I grabbed a handful of screws and cut the words “failure” and “ugly” multiple times into my wrists and ankles. For some reason, I let those girls get the best of me, and it went to far. The girls next day shoved me against a wall and when I got home, I carved another word into myself: Unwanted. Everytime that they do that to me, I do something to myself and I don’t know how to stop.Wow, that felt good to get out. Any advice would be very much appreciated!
Maya, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP HURTING YOURSELF! You are not fat, you are not pathetic or ugly, and you are not a loser. Those girls are NOT your friends, because a friend would NEVER do something that terrible. You need to tell someone, first your parents and then the school. Those girls need to be expelled for what they have said and done to you. Just promise me you will put the screws away.
Maya, let me tell you something! You are NOT ugly or a failure or pathetic or fat! STOP HURTING YOURSELF! It’ll make it WORSE! Those girls aren’t your friends if they say mean things about you! Calling you names? Your “friends” don’t see something good about you while your true friends DO. My other advice is to talk to an adult you TRUST. Read Chicken Soup for the Soul series!
<3
Songs I think could help:
Who Says-Selena Gomez
Mean-Taylor Swift
Stronger-Kelly Clarkson
It might help to hear these songs !
I wish you the best!
In fifth grade I got called pimple face. I know it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but I was the “new girl” and all I wanted was to be accepted by someone who was my so called friend. She was popular, atheletic….but I should’ve realized she wasn’t the nicest person in the school. She is the reason why I started wearing make-up. I thought that you know she’d accept me if you couldn’t see my blemishes. I became basically obsessive with how I looked. I wouldn’t leave my house with out wearing any foundation and the sad thing is I was only 11 years old. I always felt like crap. Then going into middle school next year was even more tough. I would put myself down by thinking in my head Megan, you’re an idiot and you’re stupid. I thought if I did that then maybe I wouldn’t be dumb or stupid. I compared myself to the mean girls in school, compared my clothes my face and well popularity. I always thought that they were prettier than me but the truth is…..everyone is beautiful and nobody should make you feel less about yourself.
Hey megan! In 5th grade i was a new girl to and everybody ,except 3ppl, but including the teacher would call me “british” i know stupid right? but it would get me so upset i wld practicaly burst into tears and yell words of outrage which only brought on more jokes about my voice. You see the thing is that i wasnt british no one in my family was ever from there. the point is british shldnt have been an insult but its not the words themselves that are hurtful its the people who say them
Megan, it’s ok! Just because you don’t look exactly like them doesn’t mean you have to. You might look different from them, but you are beautiful because you are the only one that looks like you! That’s what makes you pretty! It may be hard to think about at times, but never forget! It’ll help you alot! It helps me alot in school. I wish you the best of luck!( Even though, I don’t know you)
Hey Maya okay first off you are nit fat you never were you have a perfect figure that’s just for you you aren’t ugly you are beautiful and to admit bullying you are stronger than those people will ever be. Stop hurting yourself because whenever you are over with you don’t want your children to see those scars in the future. Seriously it may sound cheesey but tell your principal and counseler because they could get charges pressed for harrasment so they might want a clue… if you see one of those things in locker stay strong and rip it up stay strong carry on and smile
I found this page searching for some wisdom about trying to forget the pain caused by bullies. I came upon my past bully’s facebook page. It brought back all the horrible things that they did. I didn’t get the note in the locker but instead after being out of school for 3 days I came back to “BITCH” written across the front of my locker and all my books crammed in there. I used to share lockers with several girls so the books for a class was closest to our next class. To this day, 25 years later, I have no idea what I did or why all, and I mean ALL of my friends decided to not talk to me ever again. Even my very best friend, we never spoke again. Rumor was that a guy liked me and was going to ask me to the dance, this is the same guy that my best friend liked…you get the picture. The guy never asked me, he never talked to me again either, so I can only imagine what was said to him. This one girl, the one whose page I ran across today, was the ring leader, and tried to fight me the day after I got back, you know, the whole school yard brawl behind the cafeteria. Of course I was clueless and was cornered by her, Shanna Hudgeons Hurt, I will never forget her and I don’t think I can ever forgive her. She was the biggest bully, we used to call her Shanna’s Web, because she ran a web lies just to pick on people that was the target that week. And to top it off she is a teacher now, heaven help her students.
As a teenage girl this was devastation of the worst kind, after this I got involved in the wrong crowd and dropped out of school, I used to be an A student. At least my stupidity was short lived and I got my GED a few months later and now have a masters degree, but it took a long time for my self esteem to resurface. At times I still have issues with “what did I do to deserve that and what is wrong with me’ type of thoughts. It all stems from this experience. At least I live 1000 miles away from there now. But yes I remember it like it was yesterday and the emotional pain like it was yesterday.
I am in college and I came across this web site while I research “Bullying” my report for Psychology. As I read most of these horrible stories, the one thing that they all seem to have in common is-jealously. People get jealous of you for whatever the reason, good looks, smart, funny, well liked, rich,etc. Which might be why they start picking on you. I have no tolerance for bullies. I have a son who is eight years old. He is a little chunky, and very cute. Last summer we were at a community pool, and he was swimming towards the deep end, kinda hanging on to the rope, and I hear this kid, maybe 15 yrs.old say “here comes biggin”-to a couple of other kids, a boy that was around 13, and a girl around 8. And they started laughing at him. I know that he heard them, heck I did and I was on the other side of the pool. I was livid, why were they being soo mean to him? So I walked over to where they were, and my child started swimming the other way, he knew what was going to happen. I proceeded to ask them why would they want to pick on a child who was minding his own busines, and just trying to have fun in the pool? And lord knows I went on and on, everyone heard me, including the female life-guard, who couldn’t of cared a less. But to top it off, the teenager who started it, had pimples all over his face, the younger teen, was very unattractive and the 8 yr.old girl was “bigger” than my son, and I brought all of that to their attention. I remember saying to them, I m sure that all of you have been picked on, did u like it? Then their grandma came over and asked what was going on, I told her that those kids were mean, and she was trying to talk to me and I just walked away. I will always help someone who is being picked on, I wish that all of the bullies, would get a taste of their own medicine. Keyword-KARMA
Meadow,
Do you not realize that you were as much a bully as those children picking on your son?
Actually, I think most would agree, you were much more so, as there’s an imbalance of power between an adult and children.
You really need to rethink your “anti-bullying” strategy. That was ridiculous.
No she isn’t. They deserved it.
I stumbled upon this website because I found a note in a dictionary at school, I showed the site to my councilor and she has been helping me spread the word about Operation Beautiful. When she read this story she shared it adding a link and everything, and it has made a huge impact on a lot of girls and even some guys at my school.
Operation Beautiful has changed the lives of a lot of students here. Thank you to everyone who has kept it living on.
not the same for boys
Heyy! ;D Wil, can you elaborate as to whats different between the two?
I don’t think jealousy i the reaL reson for bullying. I think that all people are conditioned by their families to believe diffrent is bad. I grew up in a middle class neighborhood as poor as you could get without living on the street. I had friends in the early part of kindergarten but when their parents found out how we lived they were all told not to talk to me i went all through 13 years of school being tormented. People spit in my hair put my backpack in the toilet during gym and always reminded me of how big of a loser I was. I dropped out of school and did so many drugs that i figured I would be dead soon, unfortunatly my body can handle alot. There were even a few times that i was so high I thought I died. The fact is there was no reason to be jealouse of me, and parents need to be held accountable for how they have raised their parents to view people who are diffrent. The end result of being bullied is never good the scars don,t heal i trust noone and i have been an alcoholic since I was 10, I am now 32 and still hate me.
i think that there isnt only 1 single reason ppl get bullied i think the reason is unique to the persons involved, their families, their school and home enviroments.
I was bullied in 6th grade to the point where i cried myself to sleep still upset by what happened during school.These guys,everyone actually,would call me fat and ugly and told me noone would ever like me and i was the ugliest girl ever. I started to believe what they said and looked in the mirror with disgust. i started having suicidal thoughts around that time.Noone knew what was going on noone knoews what was going on in 7th grade it continues and i wore baggy jackets everyday(i still do) because i am not comfortable being myself.in 8th grade he went to highschool but bullying still continued and then i started cutting and the scars haunt me and never go away,i started soking,and drinking.The cuts on my wrists are gone but the ones inside are what scare me im so broken all because of that one boy. Im going into highchool and i have to face my worst fear My bully and im terrified it will happen again and he stops at nothing to break you down. He also lives in my neighborhood. I have not cut in a few months but im going to be with him so it may start again. I cant trust anyone and i think everyone judges me. Im so self conscious i cant functon right anymore. I dont know what i did wrong.
Heyy! ;D my name is cassie. I have a close friend who had something similar happen to her in 8th grade. We are both starting highschool this year and one of the ppl who severly betrayed and bullied her is going tothe same one as us. Sh e doesnt understand what she did wrong either but i know what you both did that was wrong……..NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! You are both beatiful and other people got jealous and decided to make you feel bad about yourselves. That one boy must have been blind so when he heard how gorgeous you are he got mad that he couldnt see it and took it out on you. he is stupid and will wake up one morning in his mothers basement roll over and see the empty space next to him and end up begging god to take him back to all those times he had been mean to you so that maybe he cld end up with some1 half has beatiful as you next to him
I know someone very close to me who went through an extreme amount of pain in a very similar way! It was last year in 8th grade and she is still secretly heartbroken over what happened. Although i would like to think that her tormenters would do this someday i am sad to admitt that i doubt highly that their behavior will ever change
(
I am a mom who just read this with my 9 and 12 year old daughters. I think it has helped them to understand that they are not alone.
My nine year old wanted to say: You helped me feel like I am not alone and no matter what they do I know someone else knows how I feel. I feel sorry for you that you got that note and how hard it was to forgive her for what she did.
My twelve year old had someone say something to her just like your note and is still so angry that she says she will never forgive the girl. She is baffled that you could forgive someone for doing this to you.
I would like to say thank you and that it was very hard not to cry while I was reading this because, like many girls, I was miserable until high school. Reading the copious comments really has helped to see that we are not alone.
im 12 but when i wa slittler my old ex friend kate used to call me names and stuff
I was bullied in 7th grade two years ago. It’s still hard for me to talk about. I wasn’t athletic in a very small school where sports are everything and was a white girl on the border. I had a very nerdy sense of humor and was a know it all. My mother is a teacher, and the pat year I’d had a fight with my only friend. All this made my 7th grade year hell. So many rumors, people wouldn’t even sit at the same lunch table as me, and on one occasion, I sat at a lunch table and everyone previously sitting there got up and moved. But now that it’s over, I’m a stronger person for it. I have learned and moved past 7th grade.
Ur lucky that u knew! My “friends” run to the girls bathroom
In advisery to go talk about me and how I’m a lesbo for being a
Taylor swift fan (I am not a lesbo btw), but I’m only in sixth grade and
They wont even tell me. This has been going on since 4th grade and I
Didn’t even know????
hi my freshman year a girl in my grade threatened to koll me four times for no reson at all
hi i am correcting myself she threatehd to kill me
hi i am correcting myself she threatened to kill me
Im being bullied badly and dont know what to do. I go home everyday wishin i could start all over when i was younger i was boy crazy for the fun of it. (How stupid was i?) Now these boys are calling me a slut and stuf flike how im ugly A.F and most the ppl who do it are all from the same school or play a sport for that school. The girls from ther look at me up and down then laugh. I cry my self to sleep knowing i cant do anything about it. Thers this one guy who plays a sport for the school (that everyone makes fun of me in) he says he loves me hes always ther for me but i just dont wanna be connected to that school at ALL. I get posts on facebook how im ugly a.f from one guy. On instagram another guy posts messages of him and his friend makeing fun of me. I dont know what i did i just wanna feel ok again and for my age its to much to handle i just wanna have good grades and have fun. But im afraid to go around without a friend feeling like people will judge me. Maybe im really just not special. Am i not worth it? Am i really a slut and whore? Does he really luv me? Am i ugly? Im dieing on the inside smileing on the outside. Plz stop bullying.
–12 and a half years old
you are not a whore or a slut. you are beautiful and those people are cruel. do you have a counselor or teacher you can talk to about this??
No i feel like itd be embaressing. Considering im so young being called these names ):
Ever since ive been insecure. Like hateing going out in public. Do u have any tips?
I think you should talk to someone. Even I – the creator of Operation Beautiful – see a therapist! I go twice a month because even though I have come a long way with my issues, I know I still need help to be the happiest person I can. I urge you to talk to someone. Or at least read one of the Operation Beautiful books… it may help you on your path!
Hi I am 13 and in 7th grade I am a very smart student and I have been bullied for that and many more but I think bullies are just feeling hurt and need help so I say we help them be their friends and more.
Thanks.. but why me?!?
I am in 8th grade and I have been “bullied” since almost 1st grade. My so called friends would always say the most horrible things behind my back. One day everything would be fine but then the next they would all hate me. I know I’m not perfect but for some reason everyone feels the need to point out my every flaw. Most days I come home crying. I do not want to go to school because I don’t feel safe. Everyday I get dirty looks and get called a slut, whore, cunt, bitch, etc… I get told that no one likes me and that I should just leave the school because it would make everyone happy. All but one of my best friends turned on me. I guess it’s almost fashionable to hate on me. Some of the girls that make my life hell use to be like my sisters, I was always there for them and I don’t understand how they could hate me this badly. I could never do anything like this to anyone. For the simple fact that I know how it feels to be bullied. Girls not only come up to me in school and scream in my face but they threaten to beat me up and they post nasty statuses about me on Facebook. I just wish it could all go away. I want my life back, I want the time when I felt comfortable in my own skin. I am beginning to hate myself because I have been told that I am worthless so many times that I’m starting to believe it. Reading these comments are making me feel better that I am not alone. But I wish that someone out there could help me. I’ve tried talking to my parents or teachers but no one seems to understand because they haven’t gone through something like this.
we love you!!!
This post really touched me, and took me back to middle school when I was on the receiving end of a note like that! My best friend decided she hated me and wrote me a long note about what an awful person I was. It came out of the blue and we never spoke again. I know her home life wasn’t great, (neither was mine) but I still don’t know why she did it to this day and that was over 30 years ago! I was also sexually harassed by boys in middle school, with teachers seeing it in the hallway and doing NOTHING!
Reading thru the comments breaks my heart! I can identify with so many of these feelings and it really brings the pain back. My middle school daughter is going thru some of this now. I hope it doesn’t get as bad for her as it has for some of these girls.
I wish I knew why people bully and exclude, but I think there area my reasons: jealousy, different -ness, the need to feel powerful and to keep ones place in the social group by excluding others. The point is, for those of you being bullied or excluded, IT’s not your fault! YOU DIDN’t CAUSE IT!
Please know that you are worthwhile! Know that you are loved!
it was a shock to see a former tormentor in my college campus. First semester, didn’t see a single hair nor hide of her and then this semester, I keep running her on many occasions. It’s been 3 years since I left secondary school. In between Junior college and my acceptance to University, I spent my time recovering from my adolescent bullying did everything I within my knowledge to rebuild by shattered self-esteem. Still it was a shock to see her.
Currently I’m simply treating her as a stranger. I don’t acknowledge my recognition of her. But seeing her face brings back soul crushing memories of the taunting, name calling and being ostracized in general. And how it nearly drove me to suicide back then just to end it all.
Thank you Anne for sharing your story.
If you are being bullied now, I have something to tell you. Whatever they are saying, don’t believe it. Maybe this bullying has been going on for so long, that you actually start to believe the mean things they say. ITS NOT TRUE! Believe in something good about yourself, anything. Start this small sanctuary in your mind, this inch of hope that you are not what they say you are. And fight like hell and do things to keep this inch of hope and self-worth alive.
This train of thought made a positive difference to my own bullying situation. I hope it makes a difference to yours if you try it.
This is my second post i am still being bullied and being called a s*** b**** etc. The kids in the grade above me r soooo mean to me and catching on to the rumours. and next year i have to be in the same halls as them and be next to them in lockers and stuff. Im soo so scared. Should i transfer schools? (My parents already registered for next year though)